[jester]

when does this performance end?

all eyes are — me,
i am always on.
on this strange stage.

all — are on me,
greedy eyes twisting.
twisting to bear witness.

spotlight, fixated on
my fictitious figure.
"me" – a character i composed,
created under constant scrutiny.

— eyes are on me,
all i feel is this.
this strange rage.

all eyes are on me,
all visible, vulnerable in this.
this strange cage.

muscles cramping,
face grimacing,
features contorting
– exhaustion coursing through my veins
like lead. like cement. like elephants?

[circus]

no one is supposed to juggle
endlessly.

eventually,
this treacherous rhythm will rupture.
eventually,
these wretched spheres will surrender.

endlessly.
my body is atrophying, detached.

the toll of this spectacle is more.
more than mere eyes can behold.
the pain drifts my troubled mind ashore,
the brutal waves rendered my body so cold.

caught between your warmth-deprived (or depriving?) eyes,
drowning in your gaze will be my breathless demise.

colonize me to fit me in your frame,
have you considered that i'm not yours to tame?

fatigue, enervation, depletion.
your demands wear me down,
my performance enthrals you.

use my broken back
as a ladder, climb up.
thrive on my despair.

i fascinate you.
like a butterfly's wing,
caught between pressing fingers.

i fascinate you.
like a frog dissected,
cut to satiate your curiosity.

you consider my performance a mere decoy.
for i've always been all yours to destroy.

i'm your puppet.
i twitch my limbs,
& you sever these strings.

---

https://open.substack.com/pub/carelesslycurated/p/between-realms-and-reality?r=7brvle&utm_medium=ios — don’t forget about the book club rooma ♡ & i launched! check it out (if you wanna be intellectual 🤓)!